"You’d think that with a chronic illness, I would be more sympathetic to others’ pain.I don’t deny that it’s made me more open-minded.
However, I also can’t deny the burning rage when I see someone coddled for something such as a headache or for feeling tired, when I feel that and more without break and I’m constantly told that I should just move more, I should push through it, I s shouldn't be wasting my potential
I can’t express how unfair this is and how much you alienate me when this happens. I try not to let it affect me, but you can guarantee there’ll be bitterness when I see someone allowed to rest for something as minor as a headache when my whole life I've been told I can’t rest, I need to stop ‘this’, I need to push through it-
for something more than a headache" - Emily
However, I also can’t deny the burning rage when I see someone coddled for something such as a headache or for feeling tired, when I feel that and more without break and I’m constantly told that I should just move more, I should push through it, I s shouldn't be wasting my potential
I can’t express how unfair this is and how much you alienate me when this happens. I try not to let it affect me, but you can guarantee there’ll be bitterness when I see someone allowed to rest for something as minor as a headache when my whole life I've been told I can’t rest, I need to stop ‘this’, I need to push through it-
for something more than a headache" - Emily
I couldn't agree more with the picture, and then the quote from Emily.
I'm just tired of feeling this way, and I'm tired of it being brushed aside. It's like.. people don't comprehend the intensity and severity of these disorders. They seem to think that, since I'm walking around, acting happy, laughing with friends... They think it doesn't hurt.
Imagine your skin being rubbed raw, pouring salt on the open wound, and then lighting it on fire. That's what my entire body feels like every day.
It doesn't stop for friends.
It doesn't stop for choir.
It doesn't stop for school.
It doesn't stop for band.
It doesn't stop for family.
It doesn't stop for anything.
It's a relentless monster that I'm stuck with.
Yet, somehow, it's socially unacceptable for me to take a few minutes to just rest?
I don't understand that logic.
I don't understand people.
The other day I was out with friends. I accidentally knocked into a man who happened to be on crutches. I turned around and apologized, and asked if he was alright.
His response was, "NO. I'm NOT alright. You run ahead with your friends though. I'm just in pain from a broken ankle and can barely walk. You wouldn't understand."
I looked at him, apologized again, and walked away.
I felt like screaming. I felt like telling this man all I went through and am still going through. Telling him how every single day for nearly 7 years I've been in crippling pain that I get next to no empathy for. I could have told him I don't remember what a pain free life is. I could have told him about how many surgeries and procedures I've had in these seven years. I could tell him about how I am stuck with this incurable disease. How I feel everyday. How I rarely complain. How I cry late at night when I can't sleep because of pain. How I feel so utterly alone in this battle against this disease people don't know about. How I feel like I'm drowning in pain. How I hate the amount of pain I suffer through every day.
But none of it was worth it.
He wasn't worth it.
I could have explained it all, and he still wouldn't understand. because that's how and invisible chronic illness works. People don't understand. Not unless they have it.
I'm just tired of feeling this way, and I'm tired of it being brushed aside. It's like.. people don't comprehend the intensity and severity of these disorders. They seem to think that, since I'm walking around, acting happy, laughing with friends... They think it doesn't hurt.
Imagine your skin being rubbed raw, pouring salt on the open wound, and then lighting it on fire. That's what my entire body feels like every day.
It doesn't stop for friends.
It doesn't stop for choir.
It doesn't stop for school.
It doesn't stop for band.
It doesn't stop for family.
It doesn't stop for anything.
It's a relentless monster that I'm stuck with.
Yet, somehow, it's socially unacceptable for me to take a few minutes to just rest?
I don't understand that logic.
I don't understand people.
The other day I was out with friends. I accidentally knocked into a man who happened to be on crutches. I turned around and apologized, and asked if he was alright.
His response was, "NO. I'm NOT alright. You run ahead with your friends though. I'm just in pain from a broken ankle and can barely walk. You wouldn't understand."
I looked at him, apologized again, and walked away.
I felt like screaming. I felt like telling this man all I went through and am still going through. Telling him how every single day for nearly 7 years I've been in crippling pain that I get next to no empathy for. I could have told him I don't remember what a pain free life is. I could have told him about how many surgeries and procedures I've had in these seven years. I could tell him about how I am stuck with this incurable disease. How I feel everyday. How I rarely complain. How I cry late at night when I can't sleep because of pain. How I feel so utterly alone in this battle against this disease people don't know about. How I feel like I'm drowning in pain. How I hate the amount of pain I suffer through every day.
But none of it was worth it.
He wasn't worth it.
I could have explained it all, and he still wouldn't understand. because that's how and invisible chronic illness works. People don't understand. Not unless they have it.