It's like all the symptoms of RSD and Fibro started attacking me the second I woke up. Pain is at probably an 8 or so. maybe a little higher or lower. I'm too exhausted to figure out what it really feels like.
I feel like I'm walking around wearing 12 parkas. The world is heavy, and everything seems to be weighing me down. I'm not really in a bad mood, just feeling awful.
It's the only thing that keeps my "normal."
I don't always have enough spoons to do it, but I do anyways. It's like... I'm a teenager. I have nine weeks left in highschool, and then I'm done. No more choir, no more band, no more percussion... In a few short weeks, it all comes to an end.
Which is horrifying.
I move into college in 155 days. That's 22 weeks. And that's 5.5 months.
That's scary.
I'm really scared for college. I know I can handle it academically.
But physically?
It's a long walk from the campus housing to the music school building. Being a music major, I'll have a lot of hours to put into practice and everything. And if I get a job on campus.
I don't know how I can do it. It seems so hard.
High school isn't bad. The classes aren't too far apart. I can manage the walking here.
But still, my legs are getting weaker and weaker. I can feel it everyday.
Like today, I'm really feeling the OD (Osteochondritis Dissecans) in my ankle. That in itself makes walking difficult, because my ankle often catches or locks up.
I don't know how I'll do it, or how I can do it. But I have to.
I have to do this. College. Most seniors are excited for college... Yeah, I'm excited for new experiences... But I'm also really, truly scared.
But I have to be normal. I have to go to college. It's normal.
Normal.